OCD Youth

Living with OCD

April 15th 2016

About the author: Jenny, 21 years of age from Stroud, Gloucestershire living with OCD. Enjoys spending time with friends and family, going on holidays and determined to win the battle of the OCD war!!

Hi Guys,

My name’s Jen, I’m 21 years old living with OCD. Most people when they hear this think I must wash my hands every 5 minutes or continuously cleaning the bathroom. Zzz no, that’s not what I’m doing. I was 9/10 years old when the symptoms started. Although I didn’t know this at the time I can look back and realise how much I spent of my childhood tapping light switches before leaving the room and constantly counting to 100 in my head to prevent bad things from happening.

I don’t particularly speak much about what goes on upstairs in my complicated little brain. My OCD consists of a world war 3 in my head with me, myself and I. “Just forget it, it’s not real”. If I had a pound for every time I was told this Richard Branson would be out of business. So you’re probably thinking, well, what’s wrong with her? Let’s put it this way, imagine you’re sat at your desk at work, browsing through your emails, maybe you’re thinking what’s on the menu for dinner tonight then…BANG. It hits you. Your head changes from blue skies to grey, hearts pounding, stomachs churning and your head is buzzing.

About a year and half/2 years ago my OCD worsened, the telling myself I had to do things or something bad would happen to someone I loved increased. That’s when the intrusive thoughts came along. 2014 the night before a relaxing 10 day holiday with my lovely boyfriend, what could be more exciting right?! Sadly for me the excitement turned to chaos because I couldn’t find a sock. Yes, a sock. Who even needs a sock in the canary islands in June, obviously my OCD did. This sock, had no meaning, I didn’t need it to pack but the sheer thought of not being able to find it set me into a frenzy. I don’t know how my poor mum had the patience that she did with me that night. That’s what OCD does, it takes over and tries to control you and ruin your happiness, if I did not find this particular sock something bad is going to happen.urself to tell yourself they are NOT real. Breathe. I can spend hours convincing myself that something isn’t real and the reasons why it isn’t real by gathering up facts and information. Breathe again. My OCD creates false memories in my head, this can be exhausting because the anxiety attached to this means I have to go over in my head and tell myself that something did not happen and it’s just an intrusive thought.

You are a stranger who has never met me before, you would think I’m a happy girl who has an amazing boyfriend, family and friends, a job she enjoys and lots of things to look forward to. You’re right I couldn’t wish for better people in my life and I wouldn’t change a thing. Just when I think of this my OCD kicks in, it always tries to ruin my happiness. But would I be the person I am today without it? Maybe not. I appreciate life a lot more when I’m having a good day, those good days are precious, the ones that beat all the bad days.

To those suffering with OCD in whatever form it may be, stay strong, be positive. You are never alone. It is easy to become anxious, stressed and helpless when having “a bad day”. Things can feel all too much but it does get easier, the longer you live with it the longer you have to find ways of coping and controlling your mind. You are in control and the OCD does not and will not control you. As hard as it may be there will be ups and downs, make the “ups” ones to remember. Never forget how precious life is and how someone out there would love to be in your position as whether you believe it or not there are a lot worse things going on in this world.

I don’t think I can ever explain the true extent of how it feels to live in the world of Jen. All I can say is it has made me a stronger person today. Anyone who is suffering with OCD my heart goes out to you, I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy. Non-sufferers may think, but why are you thinking these things? You don’t need to? Just stop worrying? It’s never that easy, it is much more complicated and complex to explain to someone who doesn’t live with an obsessive compulsive brain. I don’t think any amount of CBT and medication will fully cure what goes on in my brain but I will certainly win this battle.

And if you’re wondering if I ever found the sock? No, I did not, I did however enjoy a fun-filled holiday in the sun, 1-Jen 0-OCD.