OCD Youth

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Topic Title: POCD is ruining my life.

6 posts

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mint said 7 months, 1 week ago:

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liv123 said 7 months ago:

Awaiting moderation: Please note that this post is now awaiting moderation by our team, but should be up shortly.

ralsei11 said 2 months, 3 weeks ago:

Hello. I want to speak about my problem.

I have not been diagnosed properly yet, but I believe I have POCD and OCD. When I realized POCD existed, I calmed down and remained mildly calm about it ever since, telling myself that I am not a pedophile, and this was normal for some folks. I never ever want to act upon those thoughts.

I want to point out that I DO NOT! like it when I have the thoughts that I more so used to have. I still have them now, but they are rare but I try to avoid thinking about them.

I masturbate. When I masturbate, I make absolutely sure that there is nothing that can trigger me when I do. But very recently, I was masturbating when a couple gifs popped up that depicted an anime underage character doing the deed with someone older, as well as other things. I am 15. I was terrified that I was suddenly masturbating to them, or that I would end up masturbating to them. In the past, I would keep going, and just not care because for some reason it (and still does) turns/ed me on a lot more than the usual video, which is absolutely horrible. I hate it so much, it scares me so much. I am living in guilt whenever I try to masturbate because of it. I am not a pedophile, but my groinal response has driven me to doubt once again.

Once, when I didn't know about my POCD, I would have nightmares about the thoughts. In the dreams, I would actually lock myself out of wherever those thoughts were invading and wake up.

I am now looking back at what I masturbated to to see if it is what I think it is.

WARNING! VIOLENT CONTENT!
I have no idea why I found this. But if you search Yaoi Gifs, and do a bit of a deep dive, you will find bestiality disney stuff, and then a human doing things to kittens!!! This makes me want to cry!!!!!!!!!!!! How could anyone like this??? WHY DID MY GROINAL RESPONSE LIKE THIS?!

I hate this so much. I hate me so much. I just don't want to be turned on by this stuff anymore. It's disgusting and messed up. Please help me with understanding and reassurance that I am not a pedophile, and this is just normal??

jennifer1722 said 2 months, 2 weeks ago:

I'm sorry to hear you're suffering from suspected OCD. Have you thought about asking for professional help from your doctor? OCD is a treatable illness and most people make a full recovery if they work hard at therapy.

The recommended treatment for OCD is called Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT). Something that is really important to know is that every time you try to fight the thoughts, you make them worse. That's why a good CBT therapist will encourage you to stop your online research and asking for reassurance and going over all the reasons you're not a pedophile, etc.

You can find a CBT therapist by asking your GP to refer you. Do you think you can do that?