OCD Youth

mint said 3 months ago:

It seems I have POCD. I’m currently doing the recommended treatment for it, which involves resisting your compulsions, which in my case is getting reassurance. I’ve had several upsetting intrusive thoughts about children and pedophillia recently, and of course, it was my instinct to ask online for reassurance, which I resisted. It seems I’m on the path to recovering from OCD. This time, however, I just cannot resist asking for reassurance, no matter how hard I try. It’s a symptom of POCD to search for signs in your past which seem to prove that you’re a pedophile. This has happened to me. I remember incidents in which I had thoughts about pedophillia and having sex with children and I wasn’t aroused by it. I’d like to point out that I didn’t learn about pedophillia until a few months ago, when my intrusive thoughts started entering my mind. Until that time, I didn’t know there was anything wrong with having sex with a consenting child. I didn’t start to get these thoughts about children and having sex with them until a few years ago, maybe when I was ten or eleven. I only got aroused by certain thoughts, however. The point is, when I was younger I used to get thoughts about children and having sex with them, but because of my lack of knowledge about pedophillia, I didn’t worry about them. Is this normal? I still get these thoughts, except now I get disgusted and stressed by them. I’ve read that real pedophiles enjoy their thoughts and want to act on them, and that if you get scared or stressed by them you’re not a pedophile. However, I have also read about pedophiles who get worried, stressed, sometimes depressed and even go into denial about their orientation. Am I one of these people? And here’s another thing: Recently, I’ve seen a few people who look the same age as me (fourteen) and I found them attractive, only to discover later that they are actually a lot younger and just look older. Is this normal? I have read about so-called non-offending pedophiles, which are pedophiles who know that pedophillia is wrong and never act on their thoughts. I can’t be sure, but I think I might have developed sympathy for them. Is this because I am one? Anyway, I know for almost fact that I am not a pedophile and would NEVER have a romantic or sexual relationship with a child. I’m going through puberty right now, which as I’m sure you know is a very difficult and confusing age, so it’s most likely that rather than anything else. But for some reason, whenever I try to reassure myself by telling myself this, I’m just not satisfied. I’d greatly appreciate any help. Sorry for the long post and thanks in advance.