- Notice: You must be logged in to view this area. Not registered? Sign up here!
Support Forum
Support
Public Group
Notes: Last active 2 years, 4 months ago
If you need any help or advice then feel free to post them here and we’ll try to help!
Topic Title: I really need some help
2 posts
← Support Forum Return to Groups
amm0731 said 5 years, 5 months ago:
Hi so I’ve posted on here a couple times before and lately I’ve been having a tough time. Keep in mind I’m a 14 year old female. Back in August, I got some medicine for anxiety and I was feeling so much better. However, lately my tocd has taken a new angle that is really scaring me. Not going to lie, this is going to get a little PG-13 so just bear with me as I really need help and idk what to even do. So back in July when my anxiety and ocd were both very bad I had this weird thing happen to me when I was having a time of high anxiety, I’m not really sure what happened to lead up to it, but I had this thing happen to me where I was picturing myself with male parts and I was aroused sexually. Of course my ocd jumped on this and I was so scared, then I began searching the internet to prove that this didn’t mean anything. I came across Autogynephilia and for females like me, autoandrophilia. It described what happened to me and I was absolutely terrified. That week, I barely ate, slept, and I had the need to be with my parents 24/7. I’m not even sure how I stopped worrying about it but I think my ocd just found other transgender signs to worry about. Anyway, months went by and since I had the new meds, things got easier. Of course the fear never went away and I had my ups and downs. Unfortunately, something also happened the other day to remind me of the scariness of the first incident. I was holding a pair of my underwear, and I was thinking, “what if I pretended I was a dude holding this” I didn’t experience any arousal I don’t think but it was still terrifying. I ran downstairs crying to my parents in fear. Now I know it sounds like “since you’re in fear, it must be ocd.” But that doesn’t mean I might not be autoandrophilic and I’m terrified. Of course as I was reading I stumbled across that autoandrophilics are just really repressed transmen and it’s scaring me senseless. It kind of weirds me out that I could be a dude underneath and I really don’t want to transition but I also don’t want to live a lie even though I don’t actually know if I’m autoandrophilic. Please help me. My parents have set up a therapy appointment for me, but it probably won’t be for another 2 weeks and I just don’t know how I’m going to make it that far. So I don’t really need to be told I need to find CBT as we’re already working on it. I just need your opinions on my problem just please help me I really don’t want to be trans or a dude but Idk what I can do anymore I feel trapped. Also, we just upped my med dose so hopefully that helps but idk.
gnarlywhale said 5 years, 3 months ago:
Hello amm0731!!
You are very strong to reach out and voice your concerns, which is very commendable. As Jennifer said, well done for making an appointment, you are well on your way to recovery. I assume you have already proven to yourself multiple times through your compulsions that you are not what you think. That's fine but from not on, whatever you do, DO NOT keep seeking reassurance.
I would recommend trying Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Whenever you have a thought, look at it from an outsiders point of view. Just acknowledge the thought, nothing more. Just because you have the thought, does not mean that it means something. In a way try to distance it from your identity. I hope this helps! Stay strong, I know it's scary, but you will get through this. I know it.