Jamie’s Story
I sit here on a Saturday night trying to remain positive. In order to do so I have done something that I very rarely do anymore, and that is listen to music that isn’t controlled by myself. See I only ever listen to music off my iPod, and you may wonder why. The reason is so I can control the tracks and never forget any of the songs that are played. If I was to forget one of those songs my world would crumble, it would stop in its tracks and change, anxiety would build, stress would build and my ability to function would be no more. As I sit here now while I am writing this I have a phone for my ‘normal’ notes and a piece of paper for writing down the songs that are being played on the tv.
I am trying to escape and relax, but you see, there is no escape. I am trying not to have to remember every word spoken and every thought created. The songs that are being broadcasted are ‘…hits of the 21st century’, they remind me of when I was 18 out on the town with my mates, maybe even dancing god forbid. I was happy then, it was the best year of my life, a lovely summer, the beginning of university and my partner came into my life. Things have since changed, and however much I try to remain positive sometimes it is difficult. Much of this is related to depression. You see for me the two go hand in hand, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and Depression.
Now aged 23 my diagnosis reads OCD and Depression with Crohn’s Disease, the latter because I’m assuming OCD and Depression isn’t enough to cope with. A few things that this entails. The experience of negative and intrusive thoughts, combined with a chronic feeling of doubt. In order to suppress these feelings rituals are performed repetitively, over and over… Depression involves a feeling of low self-worth, a loss of interest and energy, a loss of confidence and increased anxiety.
So life is a battle and I have changed my ambitions. I see this as a positive though, really I do. I now know that money is not everything. I work at a university supporting students with disabilities. I donate money to many charities, and next year I plan to walk the entire length of the Cornish Coastline, in order to raise money for OCD Action. Added to this, I am in contact with many like minded people formulating a type of virtual support network. It does not stop there though as I have applied to volunteer as a ‘Mindful Life Mentor’ because I believe I can help people and make a difference. I am soon to receive further support myself with Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) starting in the new year.
All in all I am determined not to let OCD and Depression win. I will, and better for it. I just urge everybody to get behind me, but not just me. Show your support for everybody suffering from Mental Health because we need it. Let’s end stigma, let’s end discrimination and instead get behind each and every one of us because we are no different, we just have an illness. I plan to do this, I plan to make this pledge at ‘Time to Change‘, please please do the same.
