OCD and Me

Hi my name is Laura, I’m 19 and from Northern Ireland. I’ve suffered from OCD for quite a long time now, when I look back at my childhood I realise that some of the things I was doing was the early onset of OCD. For instance I would compulsively wash my hands and would panic about my thoughts. I was terrified of contamination and remember going through a stage of using Detol to wash my hands all the time, just because my hands felt dirty not because they were.

My OCD has been at it’s worst over the last 3 years, my Granny’s death being the main trigger. At this stage I was at school and found it very hard to cope. I suffer mainly from contamination OCD, however as many of you will know there are many crossovers in different types of OCD.

When I moved school to do AS Levels (as my High School didn’t do them) I struggled a lot at school. I find change very difficult with my OCD, a change in routine is extremely hard for me, so you can imagine the affect of a full change of school! I felt embarassed by my OCD in school and found myself hiding it as best I could, which was extremely draining in itself, never mind anything else. I struggled with the simplest things in school, like opening doors as I felt they were contaminated. I used to try and not let anyone see me alcohol gelling my hands, which is very difficult especially when I was doing it in the middle of class. People would comment on this, making me feel very self conscious. I found everyday functioning in school extremely difficult. When you suffer from contamination OCD, schools are a very scary place and people just don’t seem to understand. I remember a teacher commenting “I’m just a bit OCD” in the middle of a class, and the other pupils laughing, when the truth is she wasn’t OCD in the least. This made me feel very uncomfortable.

Where I am now

I am now working in a supermarket, I decided that school wasn’t for me anymore and that I needed to leave as it was making me unhappy. I struggle at times at work, you meet all types of people that you’re are forced to deal with and with my contamination OCD this is difficult. However I have found other staff members to be a fantastic support. I work at the front of the store, my job essentially is tiding all day, which can be very intense for me. This can be very stressful especially because I have to have items sitting perfectly which means; symmetrical, colour coded, balanced with labels facing forward. This as you can imagine is extremely time consuming, especially because part of my area is a drinks fridge, so there’s a lot of bottles to tidy to my specification. This is only a small portion of the challenges I face, the list goes on and on. I find that at the minute I am very twitchy and fidgety due to the stress OCD is putting me under.

Getting help

I am receiving CBT at the moment, which is going really well, my psychologist couldn’t be more supportive. I would encourage anyone who needs help to go get it, go and see the doctor. Don’t let your OCD hold you back, 10 minutes of insane courage could change your life for the better. If you’re not ready for that, talk to a friend or family member. I have been blessed in my life as my parents are extremely supportive, which means I always have someone to talk to. It makes a big difference. It’s early days for me in my CBT but I am determined to challenge myself. OCD makes the simplest of tasks difficult and tries to completely take over but I am determined that I am going to fight this bully.

Raising Awareness

Throughout my schooling from Primary to Secondary education I have found schools don’t really understand OCD very well. I am really passionate about changing this. I think it’s so important to raise awareness for OCD in schools. In doing so it makes OCD something that the pupils and teachers get used to, enabling them to have a better understanding, so they can be more supportive of pupils with the condition. I want to help other OCD suffers, just like others helped me (especially at the start of my condition). I recently done a 10k Challenge to raise awareness for OCD and the support was overwhelming. My friend came with me and I can honestly say it was one of the best days I’ve had in a very long time. I hope that sharing my experiences has helped you realise you are not alone with your OCD.

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