OCD Youth

OCD – The Best Friend You Don’t Choose

May 10th 2017

In a very sick and twisted way, OCD is one of my best friends. I was going to write a blog post about how OCD affects friendships and relationships, but then I came to the realisation that OCD is actually one of my best friends. I find that fact actually quite upsetting.

For anyone that doesn’t suffer from OCD, this statement may be a little odd. How can a mental illness which literally is hell to its sufferers, be a friend? Aren’t friends supposed to be kind, loving and supportive? Yes, they are, but there are many qualities that obsessive compulsive disorder shares with my real friends.

Qualities present in my friends:

1. Provide reassurance

2. Always there for me

3. Give me guidance in situations where I don’t know what do it

4. They are Reliable

5. They help reduce my anxiety

Qualities present in my OCD:

1. Provide reassurance- OCD tells me everything is going to be okay if I wash my hands over and over again. But OCD lies. Washing my hands over and over again doesn’t prevent bad things from happening, it just gets me trapped in its furious cycle. By washing my hands over and over again with or without bleach didn’t achieve anything except sore, dry and cracked hands.

2. Always there for me- OCD is always there. Whether I want it to be or not. It’s there in the middle of the night when I wake up in a panic that I’m not clean enough. It’s there first thing in the morning and last thing at night. I can count on it to be there in a lesson when I’m trying to concentrate on my work or in a restaurant when I’m trying to enjoy myself. OCD is an unwanted, clingy friend that never wants to leave your side.

3. It gives reassurance in situations where I don’t know what to do- that’s true, it does, but that doesn’t mean that it’s the reassurance I need. It reassures me that if I just wash my hands one more time, then everything will be okay or if I just check the door one more time then I’m sure it will be locked. But this reassurance isn’t helpful it’s a hindrance. Because once or twice is never enough. It soon becomes 30 or 50 times and has repercussions for me and my life.

4. It is reliable- I know my OCD will always be there. It’s been there since I was little and I fully expect that it will still be here for the rest of my adult life. That’s not saying I won’t get better; I just suspect that in times of stress and anxiety my OCD will probably make a reoccurrence. Like a good friend. You can always rely on them to be there for you in times of desperation. I don’t want OCD to be there, but I know it will be there. I think it is unrealistic to think I will ever recover completely.

5. It helps reduce my anxiety- good friends know how to recognise when I am in a bad mood. They know how to calm me down and what they should be done if I have a panic attack. OCD also helps reduce my anxiety as a good friend would. But OCD isn’t helpful like good friends. OCD makes me carry out compulsions which take up ridiculous amounts of my time. OCD may reduce my anxiety in the short term, but in the long run, it’s doing me no favours. It’s just sucking me into this continuous cycle of fear and dread.

OCD isn’t a good friend. OCD isn’t a friend I want. Don’t get me wrong; obsessive compulsive disorder is something I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy. If you ever feel like OCD is a friend of yours in a sick and twisted way, that’s okay you are not alone.

If you’ve stumbled across this blog post, seeking information about OCD to help you be able to support your friends or family who suffer from OCD, I hope this post has helped you understand the complexity of OCD. Even if it’s just a little bit, the more we talk about the reality of OCD the more people will understand thus will help reduce the stigma around OCD.