OCD Youth

anonymous5 said 3 years, 11 months ago:

Firstly, I think it is important to explain that im a 17 year old bisexuality male who has been dealing with intrusive thoughts for years.

I’m typing this to ask whether I’m repressing part of my sexuality.

When I was a child (from about age 4 to this day) my parents (especially my dad) ridiculed, teased and humiliated me whenever I said I liked any of the girls I knew. Often this happened in public infront of friends.

At the same time my parents were going through a rather shouting and violent divorce after years of my farther acting controlling and abusive towards my mother.

When I became a teenager my mother constantly forbade me from having girlfriends and instead badgered me to focus on my studies.

As a result I stopped talking about girls and even my male friends to my parents and became incredibly secretive. On top of that over the past few years I’ve been experiencing unwanted intrusive thoughts about hitting people, killing people, as well as horrific sexual thoughts about my dead dog and children that have caused me nothing short of terror.

Now whenever I think of women I a sexual or romantic way I get intrusive thoughts about what my parents said to me and I stop being aroused. This has lead me to stop enjoying opposite sex attraction and almost ignore it.

I would be comfortable if I never had opposite sex attractions, however the situation I am in now is where I’m romantically attracted to women but not sexually, and feel as if a massive part of my life is missing.

megan-x said 3 years, 10 months ago:

Hey thanks for sharing that! I'm a 17 year old female. And I'm straight 

so I want to start of by saying I'm so therapist or anything but if your thought of killing people and hitting them comes more to life I would seek help. Such as if you were in a situation of telling yourself "I'm going to do this" I would personally seek help. 
 

also don't blame yourself for not being sexually attracted to girls, not everyone is and I don't think that you have yourself to blame. Maybe try telling yourself next time aroused by a women of you think of your parents. Tell yourself "this isn't my fault, what my parents say arnt true" take a few deep breaths and try think of what's arousing you. This must be very difficult and that why I'm trying to help you. But again I can't say I'm the best at advice but I hope this helps if you need anyone to talk to I'm here x