OCD Youth

anonymous5 said 1 week, 2 days ago:

Firstly, I think it is important to explain that im a 17 year old bisexuality male who has been dealing with intrusive thoughts for years.

I’m typing this to ask whether I’m repressing part of my sexuality.

When I was a child (from about age 4 to this day) my parents (especially my dad) ridiculed, teased and humiliated me whenever I said I liked any of the girls I knew. Often this happened in public infront of friends.

At the same time my parents were going through a rather shouting and violent divorce after years of my farther acting controlling and abusive towards my mother.

When I became a teenager my mother constantly forbade me from having girlfriends and instead badgered me to focus on my studies.

As a result I stopped talking about girls and even my male friends to my parents and became incredibly secretive. On top of that over the past few years I’ve been experiencing unwanted intrusive thoughts about hitting people, killing people, as well as horrific sexual thoughts about my dead dog and children that have caused me nothing short of terror.

Now whenever I think of women I a sexual or romantic way I get intrusive thoughts about what my parents said to me and I stop being aroused. This has lead me to stop enjoying opposite sex attraction and almost ignore it.

I would be comfortable if I never had opposite sex attractions, however the situation I am in now is where I’m romantically attracted to women but not sexually, and feel as if a massive part of my life is missing.