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Topic Title: Going crazy from false memories

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ne6953 said 1 year, 4 months ago:

I think i have been dealing with OCD for some time now along with the bad anxiety, but it hasn’t gotten as bad as it is now, and that’s because i don’t necessarily have anything to distract me. It all started when I had this random thought saying “what if you hurt your sister before?” I obviously would never intentionally do that to her or anyone, but since then i can’t shake this uneasy feeling that i did something bad! I started to think “well if you can’t remember doing anything to her, then maybe you were doing it while sleeping?” Which is crazy and uncommon. I keep asking her for reassurance and make sure she is not acting weird in any way, and she is not, so i think i eventually moved on from the thought, but it has come back to haunt me. I also babysit for many kids and i love my job, i hope to work with kids in the future as a paediatrician. But sometimes i get those uneasy feelings that i did something wrong even though deep down i know i haven’t. I cant get rid of the thoughts and i can’t do anything to distract myself. I have false memories and i’m trying to talk to a few counsellors, but i’m afraid that i will never be able to babysit again, because my thoughts will haunt me in the future even if i stop thinking about them now. Help please

ne6953 said 1 year, 4 months ago:

I would also like to add that this has affected my daily life, and i keep trying to think back to every single time i've babysat but i can't remember ever doing anything out of the ordinary because i know myself, but i feel so horrible and ashamed and i lost my appetite, and i cant even get out of bed anymore, like i deserve to not be happy for something that i know probably didn't happen.

ne6953 said 1 year, 4 months ago:

Update: I tried to fight the thoughts and create scenarios so that I could convince myself that I'd never do something like that, but that was a horrible idea and now the scenarios feel so real and make me panic and feel sick and I am trying to get help but I am not sure what else to do, nothing is helping

Anyone?

lilah said 1 year, 4 months ago:

Hi ne6953, I totally understand OCD and getting worse right now. It has also gotten really hard for me and been worse. I'm like having a lot of worries right now. I don't deal with false memories that much but do have the worry of affecting or harming others. OCD can be really hard. I guess some suggestions I have are like when you get those annoying thoughts sometimes fighting them or trying to make sure they are not true does not really help but to just have acceptence of thoughts can be helpful, this can be very hard though but it kind of makes them less powerful in a way. A cool exersise is to pretend you have a party inside of you and every thought you get is just welcomed to the party, this can be a very hard thing to do but it could be helpful to try, just a suggestion though. Also asking for reassurence is something that can be helpful in the moment but sometimes it is not good to ask too much because it may not help overall. When you get those scary thoughts or doubting yourself you can try to remind yourself that it is probably your OCD and that it is extremely unlikely that you did that also to just be aware of it, something I have found helpful is to maybe have a statement or something that you can tell yourself to help or maybe reassure yourself and not have to ask someone else for reassurence. Like "this is probably just OCD again" or "I know deep down that I would not do this and I trust myself for this, this is probably OCD", just some examples and a suggestion. Medatation could also maybe be helpful. You do not deserve to not be happy! I think this is also something OCD can throw your way and the guilt part too. I also like being around kids and this will probably not affect you forever and with some treatment for OCD you can hopefully feel less trapped with it and feel more in charge. People can learn to deal with it better and I think some people can recover. You are not alone! Some good resources or cool things are this movie called Unstuck, you might have heard of this, it is really good, some stuff on this website, and also this book called The Act Workbook For Teens With OCD. I hope that your OCD gets better and you can get some space between it.

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