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Topic Title: HELP PLEASE

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helpmeowt said 3 years, 10 months ago:

Hello there. So basically I’ve been struggling with ocd for the past year now and it’s been very stressful for me. I got a psychiatrist and I start talking to them next Tuesday. One of my obsessions is that I end up being attracted to someone who is way younger than me. (I’m 16) I’d just like to say that I’m attracted to people who look my age, and who are adults. So obviously when someone looks of that age group I automatically assume that they are that age. This sort of thing has happened to me in the past, but today’s situation was worse. I’m not attracted to children whatsoever and I would never in a million years hurt a child. Today when I was scrolling through Netflix to find a movie to watch I glanced at this specific movie, and it shows a photo of the movie like a thumbnail (I don’t know what the proper name is I’m sorry.) and in it was a person. They looked to be my age or a young adult, and were wearing a low top. I automatically assumed that it had to have been an adult because there was no way any site would allow that to be the cover if it was a young kid. And I have this annoying thing that happens where my eyes will literally focus on other things when I’m looking at someone’s face or looking directly at something, and In my peripheral I saw their chest area, and then I intentionally looked directly at it. Feeling horrible, I wanted to make sure the actress was of age so I googled it (because again that’s a fear of mine is accidentally looking or being attracted to someone who is younger than me or looking at their leg or something and not knowing, and being attracted to kids because that’s absolutely disgusting.) and sure enough I found out that they were way younger than me. I just feel terrible and I was crying about it for a while. I had no idea and I thought they were close to my age or an adult. And my ocd has taken this and now I can’t stop obsessing over it. I feel so horrible, and I don’t know how to move on from this. I have tried to tell myself that I didn’t know but my ocd has sent me into a spiral and I can’t escape. I’m so sorry. I feel like I can’t look at any movie poster, social media or anything because I fear that there will be a kid and I’ll feel false attraction or they’ll look older and then I assume that they are an adult or my ocd will just be an ass to me. It’s just so horrible, I am so scared. I wish I could apologize to that kid in the movie poster.. If anyone could help in anyway I would appreciate it.

abocd said 3 years, 10 months ago:

The ocd is the problem here. You'll start to feel much better once you start having treatment for ocd. Go easy on yourself

moresunshine said 3 years, 10 months ago:

You sound so much like me when I was going through something similar about a year ago! I was terrified I was a pervert, because when I would see women I'd try to look at their faces but then I would see their chest in my vision and then I would look at their chest and be so angry with myself! It was even worse when I would have been looking down and then I would look up and I'd see the people in front of me walking and I'd try so hard not to look at them innapropriately but I always ended up doing so. I was so mad at myself, but I realise now that I kept doing this because I was obsessed with not doing it. I tried so hard not to look, that I ended up looking. I feel as if you're a similar case. Trust me, it's not your fault. You're a good person. To try and get over this, I would try to just stop thinking about it once I looked at them innappropriately. Obviously it didn't work right away, and it was hard, but gradually I started to do it less and less.

I would look at people younger than me too, even though I desperately didn't want to. In your case, you didn't even think they were younger than you, so you really have nothing to worry about! Also, considering you were so sad about it afterwards, you clearly strive to be a good person.

I hope this has helped you in some way

abocd said 3 years, 10 months ago:

moresunshine said: You sound so much like me when I was going through something similar about a year ago! I was terrified I was a pervert, because when I would see women I'd try to look at their faces but then I would see their chest in my vision and then I would look at their chest and be so angry with myself! It was even worse when I would have been looking down and then I would look up and I'd see the people in front of me walking and I'd try so hard not to look at them innapropriately but I always ended up doing so. I was so mad at myself, but I realise now that I kept doing this because I was obsessed with not doing it. I tried so hard not to look, that I ended up looking. I feel as if you're a similar case. Trust me, it's not your fault. You're a good person. To try and get over this, I would try to just stop thinking about it once I looked at them innappropriately. Obviously it didn't work right away, and it was hard, but gradually I started to do it less and less. I would look at people younger than me too, even though I desperately didn't want to. In your case, you didn't even think they were younger than you, so you really have nothing to worry about! Also, considering you were so sad about it afterwards, you clearly strive to be a good person. I hope this has helped you in some way

That's very helpful. If I can add to that, this is all just such typical ocd, and nothing strange in any way. People without ocd look at people all the time, it's just not something they think is significant. When experiencing ocd we can be hyper aware of what we are looking at as we think what we look at and the thoughts we have mean something about us – it doesn't. I think what you have is partly a desire for mental hygiene, so no 'bad' thoughts of any kind, but given how the brain works this is impossible. And actually when you give up your desire for 'mental cleanliness' your focus naturally goes back to everyday stuff as you're not constantly on the look out for 'unclean' thoughts – look up the white polar bear test where the more you try not to think about the white polar bear, the more you do! Mental health is full of paradox. So my advice would be just chill out about thoughts! In fact think the most disgusting thoughts you want if you like, they don't mean anything! Also there is a thing called thought-action fusion where we think thoughts are significant and lead to action but that is far from the truth – there is a very complex set of things that have to happen for a thought to turn in to action. To see this think about filling up a bucket of beans and throwing it over your head, and see if it happens, I doubt it. So yeah life is for living, not running around your head on the lookout for 'bad' thoughts, and life is short so go easy on yourself.

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