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Notes: Last active 3 years, 4 months ago

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Topic Title: I don’t want to be a bad person

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moresunshine said 5 years, 6 months ago:

Hello, I hope you are all well. I have some things that I’m a bit worried about. I’m concerned I’m a really bad person. I feel like I think about and look at family members, animals and children inappropriately. I really don’t want to do these things, but I’m not sure if at the time I want to or if it’s just an accident that triggers intrusive thoughts that make me believe I want to think and do these things. I don’t know if that makes much sense it’s hard to write it down so it makes it clear what’s happening to me. Also, I feel like I get bad thoughts about religion sometimes and I really do want these thoughts to stop, even if I want them at the time. I hope I don’t want them at the time I really hope I don’t want to do these bad things but maybe I do. Also when people die I feel like I smile or laugh even though I really don’t want to be happy about it. I don’t know if I actually do smile or laugh I hope I don’t but if I do do you think it’s just because subconsciously I’m trying not to or maybe it’s a nervous response? Earlier I was thinking about my friend and suddenly the thought ‘I hope her mum dies’ popped into my head and I’m worried I believe that. I really don’t want to believe it and I’m worried when I had the thought I smiled or laughed I hope I didn’t I don’t know why I would. Do you think I’m a bad person? I really hope this is OCD as I’ve had OCD previously but I’m concerned that it doesn’t occur enough for it to be OCD or maybe it doesn’t make me anxious enough? It’s really bad but I almost want to feel anxious so I know that I hate these thoughts. Please help me. I don’t want to be a bad person.

enya2019 said 5 years, 6 months ago:

You don’t seem like a bad person at all, it’s clear you don’t want these thoughts, but the more you focus on wanting these thoughts to stop or focus on how much you don’t want these thoughts, I find that for myself, the more they get worse so I’ve tried my hardest myself with my intrusive thoughts to just let them be there and try not pay attention to any of them, but I know how hard that can be and it takes some practice over some time, your ocd wants to grip onto your fears, but you also need to try and accept the uncertainty of your thoughts, you don’t have control over these thoughts so don’t think that you actually want them, they are uncontrollable, some therapy would really benefit you, but do it when you’re ready of course, I know it can be scary and you would probably be afraid of being misunderstood or judged, but if you can find a good doctor that understands ocd enough it would really benefit your mental health, i understand how draining this can be, but remember in hard times that you really aren’t alone in this, a lot of us struggle and sometimes think that we’re awful people for it but we aren’t because we can’t control it, but you’re gonna get through this, I wish you the best of luck

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