OCD Youth

samsam said 1 year, 11 months ago:

Hi, I would like to start off this post by saying that I am 15 years old and male. I have been afraid of being a pedo for the better part of this year for the main fact that I used to masturbate cartoons and actual images of men who looked feminine (it was mostly only cartoons though) and when I was 14 I also masturbated to 8 images of cartoon characters who were underaged. I did not know they were underaged at the time and some of these images I even masturbated to multiple times (these cartoons did not look like real children). I think that even in some of the images the characters were my age. Then later in the year the worst thing that possibly happen to me occurred I found out that someone I used to masturbate to when I was 14 and sometimes when I was 15 was actually 15 years old themselves. This was the worst thing that could have happened. Also I don’t get as much intrusive thoughts anymore. When I first started worrying about being a pedo they were constantly in my head all the time but now it only happens a couple times a day that something will come into my head and I used to check to see if I was aroused to them at least 40 times per day but I barely do that at all now. But the one thing that definitely has increased was my obsession over somethings as I mentioned before I had recently found out someone I used to masturbate to turned out to be 15 years old because of this I spent hours online looking at forums of people talking about them to make sure that they are not younger than 15. And if I find any proof that they are older than that I screen shot it and put it in a folder on my phone that by now has over 150 photos in it. I’m also mostly worrying about possibilities such as what there were more images that I masturbated to were the cartoon character was underaged or what if the person that I found out was 15 was actually younger than that and everyone who said they were 15 is lying I just can’t stop thinking about these questions every second of the day I’m worrying about this. I also feel more sad now I used to feel afraid but now I just feel sad most of the time and will often randomly start sobbing. The reason that I m writing this now is because some of the ocd action forums that I used to go to for reassurance were closed down and I can’t calm myself down. My parents noticed that I was sad and are going to set me up with a therapist but they don’t know about any of the other stuff and now I’m afraid that the therapist will think I’m a pedo. I’m just so sad and alone and I need to tell write this out oh god I’m so scared