- Notice: You must be logged in to view this area. Not registered? Sign up here!
Support Forum
Support
Public Group
Notes: Last active 2 years, 3 months ago
If you need any help or advice then feel free to post them here and we’ll try to help!
Topic Title: POCD? can someone please help??
1 post
← Support Forum Return to Groups
recoveryroad said 3 years, 7 months ago:
Hey guys,
so i’ve been reading many forums on POCD and remembered about this boy who was two years younger than me. I don’t think i’ve ever had any sexual thoughts about him, i just thought he had nice facial features?? Then i also remembered about this other guy who was much younger but they were both about the same height. I’ve never had any sexual thoughts about him too. Except i can’t stop obsessing over this one thought i think i had, it was something about him having a crush on me? i’m not sure but i remember him saying i was his friend and me feeling somewhat ‘cool’ I don’t know this may not seem like a big deal but i really hope i’m not a pedophile. If anyone ever had or has these next few thoughts could you please let me know?
-thoughts of being in a romantic relationship with young boys (this thought really confuses me, i hate how i don’t react badly to this thought, I remember watching an anime about this girl who fell in love with this young prince who was way younger than her, i’m not sure if this is the reason this thought doesn’t affect me, i really hope i don’t actually like it.)
-“just do it, you never know once you try” (i’m really sorry if this triggered anyone, I really hate this thought, I hope i don’t actually mean it, I hope i don’t actually want to do it. I always grew up crushing on boys my age but now i question myself if i really liked them in the first place or if i was just pretending the whole time)
[TRIGGER WARNING]
-thoughts of sexually touching children (this one mainly involves my little sister, i remember when i was much younger i went up to her when she was a baby and tried to teach her to play with barbie dolls in an inappropriate way, The first time i remembered about this i did a google search and found out this wasn’t rare for little girls to do growing up, but the fact it was with my baby sister disturbed me the most. I really hope i’m not a pedophile, yesterday i wrote a suicide note just incase i was a P, i’m not sure if I was going to commit suicide or not but i cried a lot writing that note.)
-“would you do it if it was socially accepted?” (this is probably the worst thought out of all of them because of how many times i’ve questioned myself, There were moments where i felt trapped because i didn’t allow myself to think these thoughts which would get me even more confused if i actually wanted to do them. I used to get relieved when i would tell myself i would never do it, but now i’m not sure if i don’t want to. I just want to be normal, get married and have kids when i’m older, am i a pedophile?)
-“I want to” (this one used to scare me a lot, but it doesn’t anymore and that’s why it scares me.I really hope i don’t want to act on these thoughts, i really hope it’s just POCD, i think i want to be normal, i’m just so so so confused, do i need to kill myself?? I really want to live a normal life, i just want these thoughts to stop. Sometimes i get thoughts of ‘trying’ it and then snapping out and getting an unpleasant feeling in my stomach, i think this is either anxiety or excitement, this is really horrible, and what is even worse if the fact i’m so numb to these subjects, like as if i don’t care that i’m experiencing these thoughts. I always grew up being a kind person, loving my family and friends, I never payed much attention to kids, i never understood ‘baby fever’ or why some people liked babies so much, these few days i’ve developed some thoughts of me having children when i’m older and molesting them, it really confuses me, i hope this is just POCD, i don’t think i want to harm anyone.)
these are the only thoughts i could remember, if you’ve had any of these thoughts please let me know! Im seeing the therapist next Tuesday but i’m scared she’ll tell me i’m a P, can somebody please help? i’m sorry for any spelling mistakes, I hope you’re all doing well.