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Topic Title: POCD?? Or Denial
2 posts
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warmhoneychai said 3 years, 10 months ago:
Tw? I think for cp and grooming
I recently discovered pocd, unfortunately. I was groomed last year when I was 13 by a 2 men. One of them wanted me to do…things, in front of cp. I did it twice (I DID NOT LIKE IT I JUST CLOSED MY EYES OR LOOKED AwAY) before I told him no because it’s disgusting and I felt it was wrong, and I still feel guilty for it to this day. I know doing that type of thing with a grown man is wrong in the first place but I was and still am depressed and have an anxiety disorder so I was really really vulnerable at the time and I just wanted a person to care about me.
I didn’t realize how much that messed me up until recently. I’ve been having a ton of intrusive thoughts about it. I’m worried since I did that thing I’ll be like my abusers. I constantly worry about whether or not I’m a pedophile. It’s obsessive. I hold my breath if I see a pic of a child, I constantly have to do body checks, I don’t talk to my baby cousins. I really really care about children. I wanted to be a social worker. But now I’m terrified because I’ve obsessing over these thoughts. I can’t even get diagnosed because I’m scared that I’ll be put in an institution or my mom will disown me. Please help!!
roroyourboat said 3 years, 9 months ago:
I'm so sorry about all that you've been through, intrusive thoughts are horrible but commen for Ocd, if you explain that these thoughts and these problems overall are really worrying you and getting you down and you want help but your clear with everything then I'm sure you will be supported. If your scared about d doing this, there are lots of email addresses that can't diagnose you but can help you try and get through it and just talk it out, that's what I did because I didn't want therapy bc I thought I was just being silly, but it helps sooo much to tell someone whoever it is, and most people want to help you get better. You will.