OCD Youth

snakechill100 said 4 years, 1 month ago:

Hey guys,I think it was finally time to express myself and this looks like a good place to search for help, or at least calm down.

For a little context I must say that I have consumed a lot of NSFW media since I was 13 with all the things that means…(Fapping and Kinks).

Around early September I started to question my sexuality, asking myself If I was gay or Bi, at the start it was only a recurrent and silly thoght, and now it has developed in something worse; every time I see a Man I get really anxious, watching my body if I get a reaction or something like that, wanting to cry or having my heart agutated; the worse thing is that I know that I’m not atracted to men, I have always liked women, but this thoughts have scared me a lot and I don’t know what to do, I’m tired of always searching for signs,tired of always seeing their ass or pants just to look for a reaction that I know won’t come, but my mind stills makes me cry, suffering every day, I’m just tired and scared.
All of this connects to my second point, after having this kinds of thoughts I started to touch mysel more often, as a way of calming down, but all of that go for worse when I was sleeping with my younger brother, I was going to sleep wiht him when a disturbed thought crossed my mind…having sex with him, this single thought has been destroying me in the inside, I’m scared and sicked of that, I only want to be a normal person, I don’t want to be a monster, I don’t know why that crossed my mind, and I’m scared of doing something like that to my little brother…

I don’t really know if all of this enters the OCD Spectrum, but in any case I wanted to write this as a form of searching for help, I’m very sorry if anyone finds this gross and disturbing (I find it too..), but I only want to live a normal life, I don’t want to be a monster and evidently I can’t talk to this to my parents of family, I would apreciate your help, thanks a lot.