A Poem To OCD
January 29th 2015
By Richard
I loathe you so fiercely and intensely, like a vampire bound by the sun,
Yet I crave you so much that it scares me, just like a vampire craves blood.
You’re a funny little thing my inseparable companion, my old chum, my incurable curse.
You see, when I was made in my brain two wires were crossed, that shouldn’t have even been close.
For the feelings you cause are not part of the norm, they leave me in despair, so alone and so lost.
Us being friends is ironic, don’t you think?
On the one hand you’re the comforter, the thing I depend on to wash all my worries away,
However you turn and in an instant I remember not to trust you because you ruin my day.
Not just my day, my whole life it would seem, I’ll be stuck with you’re festering schemes.
Your plans and your rituals, your consuming little games and your cruel routines.
The C word… not one that I use with wild abandon, it’s a careful and scripted decision,
But I am morose and in decline and I feel that it fits, because with you there is no intermission.
Cancer. There, I said it. You’re a cancer that’s causing my pain. You have no weakness.
I can’t catch my breath. I can’t breathe a sigh of relief, or feel relaxation or bliss or carefree.
I’m bound my your rules and limitations you see?
Invisible chains and a cage that I’ve created, all because you need to feed.
Fears and weaknesses, illogical and irrational and insane, but vivid and real in my mind.
And I guess I’m to blame in part, for not being strong enough break the ties by which we are bound, but you’ve destroyed me and stripped away all that I was.
I am no longer the confident, mischievous and adventurous young lad,
I’m a shadow, a reflection, I’m unloved.
Not by my family and friends don’t assume, they love me even more than before.
I’ve lost all love for myself, because through you, I cause so much suffering.
People say you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone, and that applies to my old life.
You are the reason I cry and can’t sleep, struggle to cope and find it hard to breathe.
I just wish, for one day, I was free.
