OCD Youth

japanlover said 4 years, 6 months ago:

So I’m not sure if this is alright to talk about this since I’m new here. So I just found out that I have HOCD, and all these unwanted thoughts begin when quarantine started. Honestly I thought I was going crazy when I had these unwanted thoughts, at first it wasn’t as bad as it was because I was busy doing my own things like doing Japanese comics and work from e-learning. Later on during spring break, those unwanted thoughts started to hit me so hard. Of course, most of the unwanted thoughts are questioning my sexuality and having unwanted images in my head related to homosexuality, and honestly, it really scares me. I had so much anxiety and stress during spring break because of those thoughts, it felt like if the whole room started to close in on me. After spring break it got worse, it even stopped me from doing my hobbies. I soon began to realize that it’s becoming a problem. So then I told my mother about this (just a side note, from the beginning I didn’t know what HOCD or OCD is until later on) and I didn’t got the answer that I was looking for, but she did somewhat understand and told me a tactic and it somewhat helped me. My mother told me to write all those thoughts in a blank notebook and hide it somewhere (of course a spot where I can remember). After that, I began to research more about the situation I have and I discovered that I do have HOCD. I felt relieved but still these thoughts always come back. I then found out that somewhat the effective way to tackle these thoughts is that to accept them ( which I did) and honestly it works somehow but there are times where I get somewhat anxious from noticing that these thoughts aren’t as strong as they were from before. So then I found other tactics to face these thoughts and right now it is working but those thoughts still bother me and it does stress me out here and there. The thing that questions me the most is that why do these thoughts happen out of nowhere? Currently I’m in freshman year in high school and I have a crush on this girl and when quarantine started all this stuff happens. I even have so much proof from my past and present that I’m interested in females so why these thoughts? Heck I even see myself with a wife and 2 kids in my late or early 20’s. Currently, I’m having this problem, whenever I imagine myself doing sexual stuff with a female, I noticed that I never get erected from it. So then I started checking every time I imagine myself doing something sexual with a female and now I started to get worried and anxious that if I lost my attraction to females. Once again I’m not sure if it’s okay to ask here but hopefully it’s okay.