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Topic Title: i want to give up.
3 posts
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recoveryroad said 3 years, 9 months ago:
my intrusive thoughts have really been confusing me. at this point i don’t know if i want them them to happen or they’re just ocd thoughts. i’m mentally tired, i try to remind myself that i am a good person but they just come back and confuse me even more. I’m starting cbt(cognitive behavioural therapy) in a week but i don’t think i can wait that long. at this point i’m only living for my mother, i love her with all my heart and it disgusts me whenever i’m near her because she’s so clueless of whats been happening to me. she’s such a good person and has done so much for me and i’m just so guilty. i want to forget about all the horrible thoughts i’ve had and enjoy life as an innocent 13 year old but my ocd is ruining my life. am i really a horrible person? i’m so embarrassed of myself.
moresunshine said 3 years, 9 months ago:
Hello! I'll start but saying that I've been in a similar situation to you in the past. I'd have these awful thoughts, and would somehow convince myself that I wanted to have them, and that they weren't intrusive. I genuinely thought I was a horrible person who wanted to think these disgusting things. But I assure you, your thoughts ARE intrusive. You don't want to have these thoughts, no matter what you believe or what your mind is telling you. You are a GOOD person, and you're so worried about becoming a bad person that you've developed anxiety over it. Please don't give up. The CBT should help you overcome this. Remember that, even thought it doesn't feel like it, you are strong and you can beat this. If you ever need to ask about anything, I'll be happy to answer
recoveryroad said 3 years, 9 months ago:
hey guys, i've noticed some patterns in my ocd, at times I feel like I'm actually a good person and have no desire to do these things my mind comes up with, and other times I'm 'sad' that i will never?? WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN?? this is probably the worst thing about my ocd is that it confuses me so much!! Before my ocd these thoughts would've scared me so much but now they don't. Its as if i dont really care if they happen or not. At the moment its hard to group if these thoughts are mine or not, if i want them to happen or i dont. I'm so confused. it literally feels like its turning me into a horrible person. i dont know if i want that to be my reality or i dont. I just overthink every possible thoughts and it scares me.I have a meeting with a psychologist tomorrow.