OCD Youth

ramosvitorio2003 said 4 years, 2 months ago:

Hi guys. I really just need someone to talk to about all this. I think I may have OCD but I’m not sure and I’m so terrified and so sick of all of it. I recently had obsessions from the fear that I was a horrible horrible monster, a pedo, that and groinal responses made my life so horrible. I spent so much time googling and researching and what I was experiencing seemed to be POCD, it felt mild it didn’t occupy me at all times but when it did it was so horrible I felt so terrible I felt so sick. However I felt like I mated to deal with it, the intensity waxed and waned I guess. And it feels like it’s disappeared. Recently however I’ve been questioning my own sexuality, I’ve always been quite comfortable iwtg my sexuality. I understand that it’s a spectrum and while I identify as straight, I may find some men attarctive or enjoy some aspects of gay centric porn. However recently it began troubling me I began to obsess whether I was enjoying gay things more than straight things. I have always been romantically and sexually attracted in women, that I was 100 percent sure of. With guys it was more of a questioning thing but girls always 100%. As I began to question all of this, I started obsessing I’d do so much research and have so many questions about it. And then one time I watched straight porn and I started obsessing on whether I really enjoyed it or not. Later when I looked at it again, I didn’t get aroused, in my mind I was attracted but physically in terms of erection I wasn’t. I kept looking at photos or videos of attractive women that had once aroused me but I was getting nothing. All the stuff I looked at that previously aroused me seemed like it was doing nothing, at one point I felt like I had no attraction at all. This made me start obsessing on whether I was truly sexually attracted to women, something that’s so scary to me for some reason. I’ve always been attracted to women always but how have I suddenly lost my attraction. This scares me even more as I have a girlfriend who I love very much and and have always really attracted to, we were together the other day and were very intimate and I really enjoyed it, and I was aroused during it. Yet when I looked at the same porn or photos or what not o still wasn’t getting aroused. I’m so scared that I’ve lost my attraction to women.I’m so terrified I’ve lost my attraction, I’ve always seen myslef with women and it feels so weird. I want to have this relationship with this girl and I really do desire it to be romantic and sexual, but what if it isn’t? The thought keeps lingering in my head, what if you would of enjoyed it more with a guy, and at times that really put me off. This fear this doubt keeps harassing my mind and I keep imaging scenarios where I end up being gay and I feel so terrible, what if I’m leading her on, what if I end up hurting her. I have no problem with attraction to guys, I’m pretty sure almost eveyone is slightly bisexual, one way or the other and I’m at peace with that. I’m scared that I’ve lost my attraction to women, while previously with my other scary obsessions, I didn’t want to be aroused, now o want to be aroused and it seems like it’s not happening. I’ve done so much googling and research, I guess to provide redassurance but at times it’s made me more stressed Is this OCD or am I just questioning ? This all seemed to happen overnight, I’m really scared.